1. Leave early. Wake up early, workout early. Catch the earlier bus and discover the love of selecting your own row. Learn to enjoy sunrises.
2. Wear headphones. Listen to NPR or podcasts to fill your head with the secure illusion of being social.
3. Pursue a career working from home. Enjoy the majesty of clicking “Send” and merely waiting.
4. Ignore social media. Facebook is a gateway drug to actually hanging out.
5. Read. No one likes a reader.
6. Become obsessive about topics that do not relate with real life. Your knowledge on a topic is often inversely related to how much people want to hear you talk about it.
7. Be an egotistical asshole. Act like a character in an Aaron Sorkin movie and go through your day with the utmost approval of your own actions.
8. Have a terrible memory. When acquaintances approach you in the…
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